Some days I wake up and as I start to open my eyes, I close them tight again and think is this really my life. How did I get here? When did I build the relationships I have and where have the people I used to know gone to? I think about the positives, the negatives, what I want to achieve in my day and where I want to go. Some days are better than others. Sometimes you wake up and you can’t wait to get out of bed and start your day. Sometimes I can’t wait to begin whatever plan it is I have next, or can’t wait to embark on a new journey. Other days, I have to remind myself, why I am here, what I am doing, and where I would like to go. I feel like I have lost myself over the last couple months a bit, I went into defensive mode, complained a lot when I had nothing to complain about. I have also grown, and in this time I have realized what is important to me. I feel another new beginning starting very shortly, new adventures, and new obstacles. It never gets easier, it just gets different. I think the important thing about tough days is to remind yourself your stronger then you think you are. And trust me, this is true. If I have learnt one thing over the last 7 or so months, it is that taking chances is the best possible thing you can do. Never hold back and never turn down on opportunity you are afraid of. If you accept those challenges, that fear you feel everyday will turn into strength and with that strength comes the most empowering sense of independence. Independence in my opinion is the greatest quality to have, and a year ago, I couldn’t say I have it the way I do today. Challenge yourself constantly, be your biggest competitor. Advice I need to remind myself of sometimes. No one in your life can make changes for you and even if you feel like you need everyone, once your alone, you realize all the things you can do for yourself. Wanting someone after realizing you will be okay without them, means happiness, because it’s for the right reasons. Everyone needs relationships, friendships and love in their life. But when you walk away from all the things you thought you had, you will see who stays and who leaves and that will give you the truth. Today I can tell everyone in my life, that I am truly happy. I am proud of myself and I am proud of the people that are closest to me. I am thankful for the new family I have been blessed with, the family who is in my blood, and the family who have been there for me over the past 4 years of my life. I plan to close some doors today and open some new ones. I know who I want to be in the next chapter of my life and I know who I would like to say goodbye to. I will keep my memories, mistakes and feelings about the past with me, but I will not let them effect my future. I will hope that everyone in my past has forgiven me for the things I may have done wrong and I will forgive those who deserve my forgiveness. I promise myself to never keep people in my life for the wrong reasons, I promise to be selfish when it comes to love, because I deserve to be loved and treated well. I will be the best I can be in any relationship or friendship, I will treat others well. I will set my standards high, my goals will be reached and I will work as hard as I possibly can to get to where I want to be, and to know I worked for it all when I get it. Be proud of who you are, you are in control of your life, anything is possible if you want it to be. Don’t give up and always be there for yourself, because somedays you are all you have and on those days you need yo be the best you can be.
May 04, 2012.